quietlaughter

question of the day

2009 September 30

by quietlaughter

Every day, on Gaia.com a new question is asked. Quite often, the question of the day will catch my eye, and I will answer the question. Today’s question was: What was going on in your life today, one year ago….

My answer:

“Well, the truth is, I have no idea – had no idea that is until I had a look at my blog from September 2008

I was just getting ready to publish my first book of photography, returning home from visiting one of my favourite people and places in the world, and preparing for the beginning of another school season for my daughters, and my husband.

How have things changed? How have they stayed the same….

Today – not much has changed, though since last year, this day fell on a Sunday, I was likely writing and working on the book. Today, I worked, and had to come home early because my daughter was feeling sick. I still managed to do some writing this afternoon, started a new story that feels like it is going to be quite big… it might not lead to an actual book, but well it sure feels like it could be. Instead of building a book, I am building a new photography website… http://quietlaughter.dphoto.com/ . I am here at the house with the girls, while my husband is on the road speaking to high school students – that hasn’t changed. I miss him.

Well – this is a very thought provoking question… even though the structure of my day one year ago hasn’t really changed in a year … a lot has changed, and continues to change. Now I am curious to know what was going on for me on this day two years ago…. I will let you know.”

then, I continued:

hmm interesting. I just went back to 2007… here and on another blog I used to keep. On the one blog – I was in the middle of creating a list called My Life in Music, an idea that an old friend of mine came up with, and I felt inspired by:

“Thank you to Eric for this idea. It has been quite a beautiful experience going through the music that has marked major and minor events in my personal life. I had recently been talking with Ian about this very sort of idea, when Eric posted the second part of his playlist. I believe that my life, and quite possibly many other people’s lives, are marked by music in a way that perhaps we don’t necessarily acknowlege. At least, we don’t seem to fully. I certainly have not. There are songs, harmonies, lyrics and melodies that behave like markers in the past. They are the memories of whatever events were taking place at the time. I think it is a common idea to have a song, for example, that you choose to symbolize a relationship or an important event ( “your song” for your love and you or the song you danced to for your first dance at your wedding …) those songs are important and sweet, though over time, maybe they lose that meaning or become a reminder of something you would rather not remember. Either way – music guides and influences us in ways we don’t realize; unconsciously even. It is not easy to remember, I have found, as I started several days ago looking at music and how it has influenced me over the years… but the result I think has been quite soothing and lovely over all. I have enjoyed it.

The unfortunate part is that I am no where near finding the 38 songs that I require…. soon though. I have found most of them, but there are a few that are hard to find. Maybe hahaha I will have to sing them myself (I will try to spare that really!)”
~
and then, I went back one more year:

on my blog – I was ranting about the evils of socks….and writing a lot of poetry (which I really don’t do much of any more – not the way I used to)

Do I dare to go back even further?? Sure why not. Back in a mo…

and in 2006 – only poetry here… and a big long entry on the other… on ordinary babble:

I think that I have been trying for over a week now to write here – I would get started and then promptly be interrupted by something/ someone who needed my attention more. It isn’t that I have anything staggering to write about – instead I have nothing interesting to say really … but it still frustrates me when I really feel to just write, and it proves impossible. I was very lucky last Friday – I was asked to help out at the sign in desk at work – which took me away from my desk and basically away from everything that I was working on at the time. I had 3 hours “to myself” – which I did manage to do some writing in, by hand of course, which I love to do. I think that in the time that I had to actually write, I spent more time writing about how I never seem to have time for anything any more, let alone writing – rather than actually getting some writing done (though I did manage to write five pages of a new story, which is great, not that I have gotten around to typing it out or anything……. That’s for another time I guess) … this new job – as great as it is, and really I have no complaints. I really do love it, love how each day is new and filled with a lot to do – but it leaves no time to do anything else. Or rather, the time that I have here at home is mostly taken up with other things, all important too. Somewhere in the course of a week though, I can surely find the time to set aside to write- with the only hitch being, I don’t always feel to write and other such blahblahblah. I am chuckling to myself sitting here, shaking my head at myself, because again, I am complaining – using the precious little time while things are quiet here, to write about the fact that I have no time to write… Anyway, Peter Gabriel is singing in my ear. Not literally of course, but that would be something too – Sky Blue is playing on the media player, and the words of the song are really haunting tonight, on a night where the sky is dark and heavy with rain. It has suddenly gotten cold here. Yesterday it was over 27C but today I am freezing. I like this song, it is about freedom, the wide open sky filled with possibility – just have to see it. It’s a stressful time for so many people – where there seems to be little hope to hold onto for some people – a lot of sadness, and worry, which is very hard to not want to erase it or take it all in/ away from them. Today, I was talking with one of members at work, she has been wanting for a long time to come to the yoga class… and for different reasons (most of all being too busy with a million things and not knowing how to slow down) hasn’t made it to a single class yet- though every time I see her she tells me that she is going to come. It is cute, and I know probably she will never get to come, because it is going to be a hard adjustment for her, to get into that kind of routine and to be quiet with herself. She told me about how sad she has been feeling lately, and I just gave her a big hug. Everyone, including her, has to carry around these heavy burdens, sorrow, worry, fear, disappointment, concern… and it breaks my heart to see them struggle. I know I do the very same thing at times, and take on more than I can carry, so to speak… when it is me, I don’t mind so much, I would take it all away from everyone else and carry it, if it gave people some peace. At the same time, I know that it doesn’t solve anything to want to protect people like that – everyone has their own path to walk… have things to experience for themselves, and if it has to be exaggerated, then maybe it has to be… I don’t know that I believe that exaggeration ever is necessary – I have a tendency sometimes to exaggerate – to over-react to what is going on around me, and to basically shut down mentally, emotionally, when I feel overwhelmed by a situation or event or by people themselves. It’s not healthy to do this, and I am slowly learning to recognize that it is happening. Not that there is a magic solution – or even a better way possible right now, but at least I am aware of this trend of mine. I can only hope for everyone, for my friend, for anyone and everyone else who is struggling with similar feelings, situations, or even if they are dealing with something completely unique… that somewhere through that, there is a peace that can be felt – and that the weight of the world doesn’t have to be so heavy and difficult. I have said this before I am pretty sure, but it still fits here well – as Ian has said many many times, pain is inevitable, misery is a choice. Sometimes it’s true, life just plain old sucks – but it doesn’t last forever that things are bad – it’s a choice to either stay miserable about it or to find the positive – act on what is positive and change. Fire cools, water seeks its own level – a saying of Deng Ming Dao that will never leave me because it is very true. Without a freakout, things return to their natural balance – and really, we have so much to be thankful for – I know that I have. I am thankful for everything and everyone, most of all the negative things that have happened, because without them I would not be who I am now. Anyway, it’s a bit pointless to talk about – because no matter what is said – if I say that it is better to try to be positive and not get too lost in the darkness, so what if I say it – it’s a choice too, and if you aren’t ready to make that choice, it’s just going to seem either stupid or impossible – but hey it’s my flippin blog so I am saying it anyway – try to find the positive in everything – even on the crappiest and depressing of days – because as bad as it seems – it isn’t that bad. Everything is happening for a reason – and everything is filled with the possibility to choose – so choose what is good for you. The funny thing, in writing this down – and keeping in mind that most of the time I am writing to myself (even if I have directed the letter to someone else, I think that I am still writing to myself on some level) – what I am writing about is something that I need to process, to absorb, to try on my skin like fabric and wear around until it is the same as my soul. I think that it is for this reason, that lately I have been ‘obsessing; about what is ordinary. In a world that glorifies what is extra-ordinary, unusual and extreme, I feel that the ordinary has been forgotten – and it’s not a good thing… we have forgotten the beauty of ordinary (also why I love to look at the details of ordinary days, ordinary life, ordinary things through the camera lens etc.)……… when did it stop to be enough to just be yourself? Now of course, I am not saying that it isn’t good to press the boundaries in certain ways, to explore what it means exactly to be yourself …….. but in the simplest form, just being me, in my every day skin with my every day world – to me it is beautiful just as it is, and I wouldn’t want to miss that for the sake of focusing exclusively on the extraordinary – but everything has its place, and I can appreciate as anyone can the accomplishments of someone or something extraordinary – for example for the walking shark to have remained unknown in this day and age ……to me that is incredible, and wonderful – and it doesn’t care because it’s just being itself, walking along the ocean floor – oblivious to its extraordinary existence………. Hahahaha anyway now I am babbling and should really give this stream of thought a rest. The brain is racing and the fingers can’t keep up. Definitely time to go do something else, especially since I suspect that I have already said these things before somewhere else – so I slip back into my ordinary silence and witness the world going by and my place in it.

~
hahaha funny to read this ‘old self’ – that love of writing hasn’t changed….

I could keep going back – to the next September and the next. It is interesting to read what was top of mind at the time. Things have changed, definitely, and then, things have stayed the same – the paradox of time perhaps